When people ask us how many children we have, we say “4” but we quickly go on to explain that it is a “2 + 2” situation before they get an exaggerated view of our fertility. Bernice and I have two children each from our first spouses. We lost our first spouses to cancer. When we married, we became a blended family. So there are the six of us in our immediate family, daddy, mummy, and four sons.
Last Saturday evening, the whole family went to the circus (Cirque du Soleil). That’s Mark, Stephen, John, Andrew, Zoe (Mark’s girl friend), Bernice and myself. It was a very special evening. It was the first time our immediate family had been together since the end of 2008. One of the realities of living in a global world is that people move away from places of origin for studies and work. In an earlier time most people would be born, grow up, and live their lives in one place. But this is no longer the norm. Bernice and I live in Singapore with Mark and John. Stephen lives in Melbourne and Andrew is studying in Peterborough, about 90 minutes out of Toronto. And though we have had various permutations of connecting as a family, we have not managed to get the whole family together since 2008, till now.
When Bernice and I were praying about whether we should get married, one of our main concerns was that our boys should be ok with the marriage. In fact we both gave our own boys a veto vote. If for some reason they did not want us to proceed we would not. We praise God the boys embraced the new person readily. Bernice and I are deeply honoured that we were accepted and loved by each other’s children. Of course now they are all our children. It helped that they were followers of Jesus, and that they loved football (soccer). Bernice, Mark, John and I are Arsenal supporters while Stephen is a Liverpool fan and Andrew supports Manchester United. Well, there is still work to be done in blending the family. At least all the teams have red strips.
Bernice and I are deeply grateful that our family has “blended” well. We know this is a gift from the Lord and we know that many other blended families have had to struggle to gel. Folks come with little shared history and different formative experiences and are expected to be family. Families are tough at the best of times. There are so many more issues to work through when it is a blended family. If it works it is a miracle and a gift. Just like the church.
The church is also a “blended” family. Unless they are from the same family of origin, or knew each other before, the members of a church family do not have shared history. Yet they are now brothers and sisters and expected to love each other as fellow family members. Stanley J. Grenz describes the church as family:
In the New Testament era, however, an important change occurs. Now the primary community is no longer presented as the physical family, entrance to which occurs through natural familial heritage. Rather, the central community is the fellowship of Christ. More important than physical ancestry — who one’s parents are — is one’s spiritual ancestry — who one’s heavenly Father is (e.g., Luke 3:7-8; John 8:31-59). The highest loyalty is now directed to God through community with Jesus Christ. And the primary bond is that which binds the disciple to the Master and to the community of disciples (Stanley J. Grenz, Sexual Ethics, Louisville, KY: WestminsterJohnKnox Press, 1997, 35).
In 1 Corinthians, Paul defends that diversity in the church is norm. Yet he also has to address the many conflicts that come from “blending” a family where the people are so different. He reminds us that unity in the family of God is one that celebrates diversity (1 Corinthians 12), and that the different members are able to bless each other precisely because they are different and bring different gifts to the table. And he reminds us that the whole blending exercise works because of agape love (1 Corinthians 13).
We take our cues from Paul for our own family. We celebrate diversity. Our four boys are different. Bernice and I are so different! For this blended thing to work, all need to be accepted for who they are. And though we may not say it out loud, we do try to root our family in unconditional love. It’s not easy. It’s a God thing. And even then it takes time. But it’s worth it.
After the circus we went to Geylang for supper. As we sat eating, joking, talking about which acts we particularly liked, I felt a level of joy that I have not felt for a long time. I looked across the table at Bernice. She looked gorgeous. I looked at our sons, special all of them. And we really enjoyed Zoe’s company and the opportunity to know her better, and for her to know our crazy crew a bit better. It was a foretaste of heaven. I am not surprised that one of the metaphors of heaven is a great family reunion feast. And I guess it is at that final feast that we won’t have to say goodbye. In a short while Stephen will be going back to Melbourne. We have Andrew for the summer before he heads for England to do an exchange year there. We will no longer have the whole family together at the same time in the same place. We are already planning for next summer.