This is the second of four articles on a Framework for life. It was written with new house officers in mind.
 
If you were to start reading the Bible from Genesis 1:1 onwards, the first negative you will encounter is Genesis 2:18, “…it is not good for the man to be alone”. At this point in time sin had not yet entered human experience so Adam had perfect access to God. But it is God Himself who declares that it is not good for Adam to be alone. God then goes on to create another human being for Adam to relate to. Therefore it is clear that human beings were created for two key relationships, not one. We were created for a relationship with God — communion — and we were created to relate to other human beings. This brings us to the second “C” in our framework for life — community. I must also point out that human beings’ need for companionship is not just met in marriage. Jesus, the representative of the new humanity, was single. But He had friends. While some of us are blessed with spouses, not all of us will be married for various reasons. But we can all have the companionship of good friends.
 
Medical science is awash with many articles that speak about the harm of loneliness. Apparently, going through life with no significant social connections, e.g. friends and family, is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of its impact on one’s lifespan. And there is a global epidemic of loneliness. If hunger reminds us that we need food, and thirst is a reminder that we need water, loneliness is the reminder that we need companionship.
 
The need for community is my greatest concern for house officers. It is hard to intentionally make time for relationships when there is such a sharp learning curve for the practice of medicine, with lives at stake. The fatigue that comes from the demanding schedules of house officers and from the anxiety of the work means that many are chronically tired. Relationships need both time and energy to build and to sustain. So, while house officers, like all of us, need meaningful relationships, they have little bandwidth to make and nurture them. Yet they must.
 
I try to make it clear at every house officers’ welcome event that they must try their best to nurture friendships in the next chapter of their lives. But they must be realistic as to what personal resources they can put into friendship. Undergrad days were probably the last time in their lives that they had some degree of discretionary time. They would have used some of that time to hang out with friends. They no longer have the luxury of that flexibility. Therefore they need to change their expectations of how to do friendship. Realistically, they can only sustain friendships with any kind of depth with two or three people. They need to be creative as to how they can meet up, maybe over meals, and how to use social media to connect.
 
In John 15 Jesus calls His disciples friends (v. 9) and He calls His disciples to love one another as He had loved them (v. 12) — friends who would love each other with sacrificial love (v. 13). We are not meant to live our lives alone. We are not meant to follow Christ alone. The intentional cultivation of friendship at all seasons of life is not a luxury. We were meant to follow Jesus in the company of friends.
 
The period of house officership is one of the most demanding. It is a time when we really need our friends. And our friends need us. We need friends to help carry our burdens, to encourage us to carry on, to remain connected to Christ, to help us get a perspective on issues, and of course to enjoy meals and good conversations with. It would also be great to have one or two close friends that are a few years ahead of you. They can help you get perspective on the issues you are grappling with, and even practical suggestions they picked up when they were going through a similar stage of life.
 
The needs of the house officers are, of course, the needs of all of us. I don’t think it is ever easy to make friends in the busy lives we live today. But we must. The second of our frameworks for life is community.