I had the privilege of witnessing the birth of no.2 son. (No.1 son was born in a public hospital where fathers where not allowed into the delivery room because there were a number of mothers sharing a room.)
I remember that from the time “the water burst” till the time that no.2 son emerged was about eight hours. I remember the powerful painful contractions. I remember the blood. And I remembered all this again at the wake for a good friend’s mother a few nights ago.
My friend’s mum had been ill for three years. It had been a very rough journey. I know how hard it is to see a loved one suffering. Even when the person dies in Christ, even when death gives peace, the memories of their suffering are freeze framed in our minds.
As I sat there with my friend, I knew that he and his family must carry in their minds the most recent memories of their mum, memories of her suffering. I knew they were glad that their mother was not suffering anymore. But why so much suffering?
As someone who had conducted a number of funerals, I came prepared with one of my top ten funeral sermons in case I was called upon to preach. I came ready to speak on 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. But as I sat with my friend, the word that came to me was “child birth.”
I thought I understood. Meaningless suffering is very hard to take. But when we realize that there is a purpose to our suffering we can endure and even welcome it.
Childbirth is painful. And I speak purely from the perspective of an onlooker albeit a caring one. Mothers know this first hand. There is pain in childbirth but at the end of it all a new life is brought forth. Indeed the pain is the necessary prelude to the new life.
Jesus understood this life principle. He said in John 16: 21-22:
“When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come. But when her child is born, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy of having brought a human being into the world. So you have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” NRSV
There He was speaking of the pain His disciples would experience when they see Jesus suffering and dying on the cross. And though He would rise again He would return to the Father.
Yet these events had to take place as the necessary unfolding of events that would lead to the triumph of the King and the Kingdom and would result in the disciples eventual reuniting with Jesus and the joy of heaven.
In fact the principle of pain as the necessary prelude to life underlies the whole of biblical faith. First the cross. Then eternal life. The pain and blood of every childbirth echoes Calvary. In a fallen world, pain can no longer be avoided. But God redeems pain by making it the precursor of life.
I understood then that perhaps God was telling my friend and his family that their mum’s suffering were the necessary birth contractions for her to be born into her fullness of life with the Lord. Her body was lying in the coffin but she was with the Lord in a place where there was no more pain nor death nor sin. I imagined her smiling.
She had suffered. But she was not suffering now. And hard as it must have been we had to discipline our minds to slowly turn away from thoughts of her suffering, now ended, to thoughts of her present bliss in the presence of the Lord.
I wasn’t asked to preach that night. There was a presiding pastor. But she asked me to say a few words. And I shared about mum’s suffering as the necessary contractions for her new life.
My friend said the word spoke to him. The pastor said that she had somehow sensed that I had something to share and that is why she asked me to do so.
I realized afresh that the word we share is finally for ourselves. Pain as the precursor of life. I had learned this principle many times. And I would have to relearn it again many more times.
No one enjoys pain. We resist it. It is in fact part of the protective mechanism that God has placed in our bodies. But pain is no longer an option in a fallen world. However it can be redeemed.
As we surrender our lives to our loving God, He becomes our divine midwife and through the pains we experience, He makes possible all sorts of good things.
No, I do not know why my friend’s mum had to suffer as she did. But I do know that suffering was not the last word. Life was.
Your brother, Soo-Inn Tan