. . . we come to know ourselves and others through sharing the stories of our lives. (1)
In my first meeting (Zoom) with Rob Loane and the late Randy Reese, leaders of Vantage Point3, I was asked to share a few stories that defined my life, before we talked business. We had met up to discuss how Graceworks and VantagePoint3 could collaborate in our joint concern for mentoring. But the first thing they wanted to know was who I was. They knew that we are all defined by the key stories that pepper our lives. Then they in turn told me their stories. The whole exercise took some time, but it helped to slow things down and when we finally began to talk about work, I had the sense that I was working with friends.
This is a practice that I have tried to emulate. Whenever I meet up with folks that I hope to work with, e.g., spiritual friendship group members, mentees, leaders of churches and organisations with whom we hope to collaborate, I usually start by telling them the main stories that define who I am and then I invite them to tell me their stories. For all sorts of reasons, as I learnt from my VantagePoint3 friends, working together as brothers and sisters who are friends helps enhance trust, and gives joy to a working relationship.
This exercise usually comes as a surprise to folks I am working with for the first time — that I am willing to trust them with the details of my life. But they usually respond in kind and, after we share our stories, we feel more connected. That often makes the working together more pleasant and productive. We are usually more empathetic to our friends and more committed to looking for win-win directions with people we care for.
Is there a risk in this practice? I think there is always a risk when we choose vulnerability in a relationship, especially with someone we do not know or do not know well. They might not reciprocate. For many people, being guarded is our default. And it is possible that some may use information about you in ways that are detrimental to your work and reputation. But I have found that such negative responses have been rare, and I still feel that reaching out with our stories is worth the risk.
In the Old Testament, God often introduces Himself as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He is not just giving a verbal calling card. He is inviting us to remember the stories of His dealings with the three, including His covenant with Abraham. God is also known through His stories. Therefore, I always wonder if it is enough to invite people to follow Jesus without letting them know some stories that reveal who He is.
We live in an increasingly fast-paced world that is fixated on doing as much as possible as quickly as possible. Maybe we need to recover the centrality of relationships and to slow down to the speed of stories as a critical component of working together.
(1) Karen D. Scheib, Pastoral Care (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 2016), 14.