One learns about jealousy early in life. “Dad seems to like my brother over me.” “Why is she teacher’s pet?” “And why, oh why does she prefer to be in his arms and not in mine?”
There was this girl I really liked. And she seemed to be giving vibes that she liked me too. So I wrangled an invitation to a party knowing she would be there. I wanted to give her a surprise.
The surprise was all mine. She was there with another guy. And she was in his arms the whole night long. I died. And gained a fresh appreciation for John Lennon’s song, “Jealous Guy” which is the best exposition on jealousy I know.
Here are the lyrics in full. Indulge me. It is my little tribute to Lennon on the 25th anniversary of his death. [He was shot to death on December 8th 1980]
I was dreaming of the past
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose controlI didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guyI was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering insideI didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn’t want to hurt you
I”m just a jealous guyI didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guyI was trying to catch your eyes
Thought that you was trying to hide
I was swallowing my pain
I was swallowing my painI didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guy, watch out
I’m just a jealous guy, look out babe
I’m just a jealous guy
I must be getting old. Have not been visited by jealousy in awhile. At least not seriously. There is the occasional twinge when someone else is invited to speak at a conference and you are not. Or people you are ministering to seem to have a higher regard for another Christian leader than you. But like I said. Twinges. Nothing serious. Maybe famous last words.
Maybe it’s because God has put me through the wringer the past 12 years. And so you get more into an “Imitation of Christ” mode ala Kempis. If people consider another leader better than you it’s because he is better, hello. Maybe I have learnt a few ways of dealing with jealousy.
First I need to root my self worth in my relationship with God. My significance comes from the fact that God has saved me and has made me His son. Indeed He loved me enough to die for me, a reality I am reminded of each time I come to the Lord’s table for communion.
So its not that important that the girl is in somebody else’s arms. The most important truth is that I am God’s arms. Because my worth and significance is rooted in God and His love nothing that happens can ever affect that. I am the child of the God of the universe. Woo-hoo!
Second, I choose to be a good steward of my life rather than be distracted by any comparisons of my life with the lives of others. The servant with the two bags of gold didn’t gripe that he didn’t have five bags as was given to his colleague. He did the best with what he had (Matthew 25:14-30). Jesus told Peter not to speculate about the fate of John. He was to focus on his own duties (John 21:20-23).
At some point we come to terms that we all have our own pilgrimages to walk. God has a personal script for all of us. Life is a journey of getting to know that script and following it. Along the way we encourage others where we can and we need the encouragement of others. But we can not walk their journies for them. And they cannot walk ours. There is no need to be jealous of the lives of others.
Indeed Jesus Himself models for us as to how we are to live our lives. As I was reminded in a sermon last Sunday, Jesus who was Himself God, suspended His divine privileges for the sake of others (Phillipians 2:5-11). And you can’t be jealous of others when you choose to adopt the position of a servant to bless them (John 13: 1-17).
But I believe Jesus could choose the path of self effacing service because He knew who His Father was. He was secure in the Father who declared “You are my Son whom I love; with you I am well pleased” before Jesus embarked on his life of public ministry, removing forever the linkage between love and performance (Luke 3:22) and thereby removing all need to define our lives in comparison to the lives of others. Jesus is our model for a jealousy free life.
Jealousy is a reality in a fallen world. Lennon understood that. Just as he understood that life in a fallen world is not easy. Here are more lyrics from the Imagine album.
You gotta live You gotta love You gotta be somebody You gotta shove But it’s so hard, it’s really hard Sometimes I feel like going down [It’s So Hard]
Like many he kinda figured that the meaning of life lay in the direction of love. His brighter songs pointed in that direction.
Oh my love for the first time in my life My eyes are wide open Oh my lover for the first time in my life My eyes can see
I see the wind, oh I see the trees Everything is clear in my heart I see the clouds, oh I see the sky Everything is clear in our world [Oh My Love]
But the love that would have saved him was not Yoko’s. And as far as we know Lennon did not seem to have embraced the love of Jesus.
We who have, need to nurture that relationship we have with the Father through His Son. Only way to keep the green-eyed monster from the door.
Your brother, Soo-Inn Tan