For university students in fast-paced, modern Singapore, there are a million and one things competing for our time and shaping our beliefs. Not only is there social pressure to achieve good grades, participate in multiple co-curricular activities, establish a successful career, and maybe save up for a flat, there are also competing ideologies that challenge Christian values, often exacerbated by the echo chamber of social media algorithms. As this chaotic world pulls us in every direction, it often draws us away from the Christ-centred friendships that are necessary to encourage us in our faith.
It’s no secret that life is hard. Thankfully, we can find community in the church, where we are encouraged to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds …” (Hebrews 10:24 NIV). Christian friendships are not just wishy-washy, feel-good friendships, but ones that are deliberately cultivated to encourage each other to Christlikeness: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV).
In the book of Daniel, the friendship of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stands out as an example of spurring each other to good works. It must have been terrifying to live out their faith during the exile, leagues away from home in a court that placed immense pressure on them to conform to pagan traditions and rules. In fact, in Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar ordered that everyone had to bow before a golden statue of himself, or they would be thrown into a blazing furnace. But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego collectively refused to worship the image, affirming that “… the God we serve is able to deliver us …. But even if he does not … we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:17–18 NIV).
These are friends who do the right thing together, even if it means death.
In Singapore, we are unlikely to face death for our faith, but there are still temptations that draw us away from God. Maybe it’s running nonstop between appointments, chasing financial security, softening the difficult parts of Scripture to appeal to others, or something else. As part of encouraging others to good works, Christian friends hold us accountable and guide us towards maturity, for by “speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15 NIV).
When it comes to healthy Christian friendships and speaking the truth in love, I think of one of my childhood friends who now lives in America. Although we haven’t seen each other physically for years and have a 15-hour time difference, we call regularly, and she still has a tangible impact on my life. Because we have built up trust over years of vulnerability and honesty, we can speak into each other’s lives in a meaningful way, even over the phone.
This provides the foundation for bringing dark things into the light and loosening their power; she can only speak truth to those areas when they are drawn into the light, and I can only bring them into the light because I trust her. Sometimes, she calls me out on deeply personal mistakes, and I can only accept it because I trust her. She is never cruel, but she does not offer false platitudes either, and that pushes me to take the God-honouring action, even if it is scary or unpleasant. But these conversations would never have happened if both of us hadn’t spent years pouring into our friendship, and if we didn’t intentionally set aside precious time for each other.
In the busyness of Singaporean life, it is easy to deprioritise meeting with friends in favour of other commitments. But the deep Christian friendships that hold us steady, the ones where we call each other out in love, can only be built with time. How can we move beyond small talk to call out the deep-seated lies our friends believe in, or encourage them to release old hurts and grudges, if we barely make time to see them? How can we encourage our dear friends if we constantly postpone our meetups and don’t even know what they are struggling with? Speaking the truth is not always pleasant, whether for the speaker or the receiver. It might involve pointing out how someone is dishonouring God or hurting the people around them. As a result, such friendships need to be solid enough both to draw hidden things into the light and to withstand the discomfort of confrontation.
Getting to know another flawed human being comes at a cost. It means pushing past busyness, laziness, tiredness, and even insecurities to meet up, listen to each other, and speak into each other’s lives. It means saying "no" to other things so we can say "yes" to our friends. But I cannot imagine flourishing as a Christian in this world without Christian friends to walk with. Without them, I would probably be languishing in my comfort zone, failing to grow, buying into the world’s propaganda. Maybe I would even compromise the truth of the gospel to fit in.
Thankfully, God has given me friends who don’t let me take the easy way out. When I am mired in anger or hurt, Christian friends point me back to love and forgiveness. When I strive after grades and internships, they remind me that God’s plan is different from the world’s. When I am tempted to pursue worldly gains or compromise my faith, they speak truth and stand with me regardless of how the world beckons or threatens.
And so, as we continue to navigate our hectic lives, may we put aside the time to build godly friendships where we can speak truth and spur each other on to Christlikeness.
______
Samara is a missionary kid who grew up in Mozambique and Kenya. Currently, she is embarking on her final year at NTU, studying English and Public Policy & Global Affairs. She is passionate about exploring new perspectives, sparking meaningful conversations, and reading thought-provoking content.