I can’t imagine what it is like to lose someone to suicide. I was therefore very sad when someone we knew took her life recently. We pray for her family though I suspect the grief and the questions will haunt them, and indeed all of us, for a long time. When a suicide happens to someone in the Christian community there is the weight of other questions. Why wasn’t God’s grace enough for the person who took his/her life? Was there more that the church could have done? Why didn’t we see this coming? Is suicide an unpardonable sin?
Understandably the church has taken a strong stand against suicide.
We must understand suicide as free and uncoerced actions engaged in for the purpose of bringing about one’s own death. Once we define it this way, it is easy to grasp the church’s clear teaching throughout the centuries that suicide is morally wrong and ought never to be considered by the Christian. Life is a gift from God . . . Our lives belong to God; we are but stewards. To end my own life is to usurp the prerogative that is God’s alone. (Thomas D Kennedy, “Suicide and the Silence of Scripture”, Christianity Today, July 1st, 2000.)
Kennedy moves on to say:
If we define suicide as consisting of only free and uncoerced actions, we must ask a series of questions as we try to understand any particular suicide: To what extent do we know the suicide in question was genuinely free? Could pain (either physical or emotional) have coerced the individual to do what he otherwise might not have done? But even if we could know that an act of suicide was genuinely free, can we know that the aim of the act was indeed one’s own death rather than a misguided cry for help? Can we know that the suicide believed this action would really kill?
These questions lead us to withhold judgment in many cases; but more telling yet is this question: Did the individual aim at removing himself from God’s goodness by suicide? Was this an act of suicide directly aimed at saying no to God? Or was it rather a tragically misguided attempt at saying yes to God? Eternal punishment is reserved, Christians believe, for those who directly reject God and reject God as a consistent pattern in life, not merely in a solitary final act. (Kennedy, “Suicide and the Silence of Scripture”.)
Clearly suicide is wrong but it is not automatically an unpardonable sin. Indeed we cannot and should not make any judgement call that only God can make. I can’t imagine God judging us for a moment of deep pain and despair. But we do need to understand why suicide happens and how we can minimise its occurrence.
Why do people take their own lives? Gary R. Collins gives us a list of possible reasons:
- To escape from loneliness, hopelessness, depression, academic or work difficulties, financial pressures, or conflicts with other people.
- To punish survivors who are likely to feel hurt and guilty.
- To gain attention.
- To manipulate others (often this can best be accomplished by the threat of suicide).
- To join a loved one who has died.
- To escape from some difficult situation.
- To punish oneself for something that has created guilt.
- To prevent oneself from becoming a burden on others.
- To avoid the suffering and other effects of some dread disease.
(Christian Counselling, 3rd edition, Nashville, TX: Thomas Nelson, 2007, 651.)
Collins is quick to point out that “Some of the reasons on this list are not very logical. There is no guarantee, for example, that suicide will enable the victim to join a deceased loved one.” But the list is helpful in that we should be on the lookout for folks who are experiencing one or more of the factors in the above list.
How do we help our people find the resources that will protect them against suicide? A few things come to mind:
First, we need to give clear teaching on the subject. Suicide is a taboo subject in many churches. Many are in denial, pretending that suicide is something that doesn’t happen among believers and when it happens they ignore it or respond with theological discussions and then quickly move on.
Second, we need to help our folks understand and experience the “joy of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22), which is our birthright in Christ. We need to help people see that joy is something deeper and more resilient than emotional happiness, and that we can have joy even in the midst of tears. Indeed joy is linked to the sure hope we have in Christ, a hope that transcends even the most terrible of circumstances.
Third, the church must truly be a gracious community where it is safe to share our deepest pains and despair, a place where people listen lovingly and empathetically. The church must be a community where you are accepted as you are so that together we can seek the healing of God.
Fourth, we must ensure that we all walk through life with a few real friends, confidants with whom we share the joys and wounds of life (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12). I can’t help but link the growing number of suicides in our part of the world with the increasing loneliness of modern society.
I don’t think we can completely prevent suicides. It is very hard to stop a person who is determined to take his or her life. But we can and should do more to minimise it happening. And we must walk with those who have lost people to suicide. Their wounds will be deep and complex.
Have I ever thought of suicide? Briefly when I was going through clinical depression many years ago. But the grace of God, the love of family and friends, and the fact that I realised that if I checked out my two boys would be orphans (they lost their mum to cancer), moved me away from the edge of the precipice.
*Stock image courtesy of Mister GC / FreeDigitalPhotos.net