In Making All Things New, my all time favourite book on spirituality, the late Henri Nouwen writes:
Without solitude it is virtually impossible to live a spiritual life. Solitude begins with a time and place for God, and God alone. If we really believe that God not only exists but also is actively present in our lives–healing, teaching, and guiding–we need to set aside a time and space to give God our undivided attention. Jesus says, ”Go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place” (Matt.6:6).
I reread the above last night, flat on my back, recovering from one of the worst attacks of stomach flu I have had in years. I usually receive revelations when I am flat on my back and it hit me that one reason why I had collapsed physically was that I had over committed myself again. Which means that somewhere along the line I had lost contact with headquarters. Somewhere along the line, I had neglected (yet again) the solitude necessary to hear from the Head. Sure, there could have been other contributory factors to my succumbing to the stomach virus.
It could have been a spiritual attack. The vomiting and diarrhea started on Saturday night, and I was to preach an evangelistic sermon on Easter Sunday. Of course there were the extra seasonal demands of Holy Week. And yes, I had the privilege of walking together with a family in grief and leading in the funeral services. That had been physically and emotionally demanding. But, no, I cannot deny that I have over committed myself yet again.
When will I ever learn? Why the constant bias towards doing over being? Why is ”more” more attractive than ”less”? Why the obsession with activity? Why am I scared of solitude?
I know I am not alone in this quandary. And this makes me very afraid. Because deep down I know that if the people of God are to make any real impact in these times of turbulent change, it will not be contingent on how much we do, but on the fact that we do what is right. And for that to happen we must listen before we act. We must have solitude in our lives.
In the words of another late and dear saint, Dr. Klaus Bockmuehl:
Like the spreading glow inside neon lights when turned on, our work must be illuminated from within by our contact and fellowship with Christ. Such illumination comes from listening ”What does My Lord say to His servant?”(Josh.5:14). We need, especially when we begin a new stage in life, to become quiet before God and seek direction from God. Devotion engenders attentiveness. We must make ourselves receptive for God’s instructions. Only in this way can we arrive at wisdom for action and make the spiritual investment in people and situations so needed by humanity.
So its back to the drawing board for me, or should I say, back to the prayer closet. Right smack in the middle of mid life I know I no longer have all the time in the world. (I never had.) I want to invest whatever time the Lord chooses to give me in what is strategic for His purposes. I need to listen more. I need solitude