Whether you choose to admit it or not, you’ll likely sense from what is preached from the pulpit in most Singaporean churches, as well as from the “well-meaning remarks” of older members, that marriage is assumed to be a natural marker in the journey of Christian adulthood—almost as if marriage itself is an indicator of maturity. Those who are married are regarded as blessed and mature ones who have “made it”, while those who remain unmarried are seen as the “unfortunate” ones who should be doing their best to cross the threshold.
Furthermore, for many single Christians, there is a sense that they are unwittingly being excluded in church. As Kate Wallace lamented in her 2014 article in Mutuality Magazine, “Most of the relationship advice from church is geared toward people who are married. Sermons about Christian relationships are mostly about how to be a better wife or husband, how to love your spouse through hard situations, or how to honor God in raising your kids.” [1]
This isn’t just a barrier to building spiritual communities in church; it also presents a huge gap in discipleship. Given that the median age at first marriage has been steadily increasingly and a growing number of young Singaporean adults are staying single, [2] we may risk becoming irrelevant to a significant group of single Christians in our churches if we fail to address their needs and struggles. Small groups that may have been together since their youth also naturally start to revolve around the lives of married couples and young families.
In fact, we see a different picture when we examine the Scriptures. Paul, writing to the Corinthians, implied that he wished more people were single like him (1 Corinthians 7:7a, 8) because he believed that Jesus was coming back soon and there would be trouble before that return. For this reason, he argued that singleness might be more pragmatic (1 Corinthians 7:25–38). Furthermore, Jesus Himself never married and appears to have spoken approvingly of those who chose singleness “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:12).
So, we need to be clear that, while counter-cultural, the biblical viewpoint is that both marriage and singleness are perfectly acceptable for Christians. Paul is explicit that both are gifts from God (1 Corinthians 7:7b). Each comes with its own joys and struggles, but both can be journeys toward holiness.
Marriage isn't a graduation from singleness, and singleness isn’t a delay from a more desirable state. John Piper captures this really well: Marriage is a parable of the gospel, pointing to Christ and His bride, while singleness is a parable of the kingdom, a preview of the resurrection life where, Jesus says, “they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). [3] Neither state captures the whole Christian story completely on its own; each points, in its own way, to a spiritual reality far bigger than itself.
Practically, we must accept that some tensions in the Christian life aren't problems to be solved but rather a balance to be held. Singleness and marriage will always coexist in any church that takes Scripture seriously. One calling enables focused availability; the other champions covenantal faithfulness and self-sacrificial love within an exclusive relationship.
The goal is not to overcome that tension by ranking one above the other. It's to build a community mature and humble enough to honour both. In an ideal world, those who are married can learn about undivided devotion from their single friends, and those who are single can learn about consistent, patient self-sacrifice from their married friends. Each calling sharpening the other while living and serving within a context much bigger than either.
The issue of marriage and singleness is obviously only one part of the bigger conversation about the inclusiveness of our churches. This side of heaven, I doubt we will achieve perfection in this area, but I believe the small steps we take towards unity in our diversity (1 Corinthians 12) will be pleasing to God.
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[1] Kate Wallace, “The (Single) Christian Life,” Mutuality Magazine 21, no. 3 (2014), 5.
[2] Emil Chan, “More Young Singapore Residents Staying Single as Family Sizes Shrink,” CNA, June 30, 2026.
[3] John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2009).