“A woman can have it all, one thing at a time.” I learnt this adage at one of the lowest points in my life.
As a stay-at-home mum (SAHM) with a baby and a toddler, I had neither domestic help nor parents and in-laws available to lend a hand. I experienced a moment of blind panic: “Is this it? Will I be stuck in this cycle of feeding, cleaning up vomit, endless laundry and cooking, forever?” I had been a graduate and a career woman. But, at that moment, I felt like I lost my identity and self-worth.
It’s not like I accidentally became an SAHM. Rather, it was a deliberate choice I made based on my Christian values. Proverbs 22:6 guides us: “Start children off on the way they should go …” (NIV). I was convicted that a mother needed to be present to shape her children’s values in their formative years, while they were still young and impressionable.
Nevertheless, although I went into it with my eyes wide open, nothing prepared me for the chaos that two little toddlers would make of my life!
It was then that an older female friend from church visited and wisely told me, “You can have it all, one thing at a time.” There was no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel … I just had to trust her words, clinging on to Ecclesiastes 3:1: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens …” (NIV).
Over the past 20-something years as a mother, author, teacher, and co-director of a non-profit organisation, I’ve experienced that, indeed, a woman can have a family life, a career, and even interests! Ultimately, as Matthew 6:33 reminds us, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (NIV). A woman can have everything, but she’d be wise to prioritise God’s commands.
God’s guidelines are very clear from His Word. For example, Titus 2 addresses older and younger women separately, demonstrating their different seasons and life stages. Verse 3 addresses older women, whose children are probably grown: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good” (NIV). Verses 4–5 address young women, who probably still have young children to care for: “… urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands …” (NIV). If a young mother prioritises her home and children, it might save her a lifetime of grief. As Proverbs 22:6b points out, “ … when [the child] is old he will not depart from it” (ESV).
At 15 years old, my life goal was to become a writer. But it wasn’t until the “ripe old age” of 44 that I published my first book. I wasn’t lazy or distracted. Rather, I allowed my priorities—to serve God and be a godly wife and mother—to interrupt my plans.
My friend Ean Yeo, with whom I had co-founded the non-profit organisation Women Empowered for Work and Mothering (WEWAM), developed a simple but colourful chart titled “A Woman’s Seasons”. In my time with the organisation, I’d encountered many women in different seasons of their lives. Some were in the “healthy” pink zone, with supportive husbands and parents, healthy children, and reasonable working hours. Others were in the red zone, feeling stressed and fatigued because of various challenges, for example, absent husbands, special needs children, ageing parents, and/or long working hours. Like the red light at a traffic junction, the red zone was a warning for them to slow down and stop.
Yet others were in the green zone, a season to “go” and resume pursuing their own goals, usually when their children had become independent. Finally, there were some in the “blank” white zone, particularly SAHMs who had been away from the corporate world for decades and faced an uphill prospect of job interviews and upskilling in order to return to the workforce.
Strangely, not many women recognised their own seasons in life! I’ve seen overwrought career women break down in tears but continue to struggle in their unhealthy status quo. SAHMs who desired to work were also unaware of the wide array of social support available.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV). Over the years, I’ve found value in forming like-minded communities for support and learning from other women walking one step ahead of us! This is why, at 60 years old, I continue doing what I can to encourage women that they can have it all, one thing at a time, while putting their priorities first.
For us who believe in God, it is so reassuring that He is our Shepherd. He will lead us from season to season! So, let us enjoy the journey.
___________
Pauline is an award-winning author and creative writing teacher. She has written 15 adult non-fiction books, 5 Young Adult books, 9 children’s storybooks, and 3 junior chapter books. Childlike wonder and unfettered imagination are what she aspires to. She believes that children are our future, and we should bequeath them the best resources possible, instead of a depleted planet. To that end, she hopes that this picture book will inspire children, and their adults, to tend and nourish the earth.
Explore her Graceworks titles here.