A few friends excitedly told me about an article that appeared in The Singapore Straits Times recently (1). Part of the article read:
It was recently suggested to me that I should consider joining or forming a group of close confidants comprising men — fathers and /or grandfathers — who could be part of a support community, sharing personal struggles and triumphs.
Part of this program is the 3-2-1 initiative: Meeting in groups of three for two hours, once a month. Among the objectives of doing so is to listen to one another's struggles (under a code of confidentiality) in an unvarnished form — warts and all — and being an encouragement to others in the small group. This may seem counter-intuitive in today’s culture of independence, self-sufficiency, and an unwillingness to show any “chinks” in one’s armour.
The goal is to cultivate a circle of “2am friends” — a small special group that will go beyond the usual friendships. These are individuals one can call upon for help and a listening ear at the most inconvenient hours. Hence the moniker “2am friends”.
The mention of 3-2-1 seems to be a reference to a book I had written on spiritual friendship. I didn’t want to be presumptuous and so I did a Google check to see if there were other 3-2-1 programmes for friendship out there. Apparently not. (Of course, Graceworks staff were a bit miffed that the author didn’t mention our book.) Still, we were glad that the need for friendship was once again mentioned in the mainstream media. It was another of many articles that pointed out that to thrive in life we need friends. In particular, we need close friends with whom we can be honest, and who we can count on.
I appreciate Jeffery Tan’s article. And his “exposition” of the nature and purpose of 3-2-1 groups is spot on. In Graceworks we add another dimension and that is, in our understanding of the 3-2-1 type of groups, we are friends with each other because we are common friends with Jesus. The trust and commitment needed for close friendships are not easy. Indeed, as Tan points out, it goes against the prevailing cultural norms of “independence, self-sufficiency and an unwillingness to show any ‘chinks’ in one’s armour”. It is very much helped that a common love for Jesus and a common empowerment from Jesus’ love bind the friends together.
Promoting spiritual friendship (a friendship based on a common friendship with Christ) is a core concern for Graceworks. Hence I was really excited that last night I gave the first lecture for a Spiritual Friendship night course I am teaching for Trinity Theological College. Thirty-one souls had signed up, all from different churches in Singapore with one student each from Vietnam, India, and Indonesia. I was very encouraged that all in the class were keen to learn about spiritual friendship for themselves, and to promote it in their communities. The cry for authentic friendship grows louder in church and in society. We embrace every opportunity to share about why and how we can experience more life-giving friendships.
In his article, Tan said that he has not yet decided to start or to join a 3-2-1 group. Maybe I should give him a call.
(1) Jeffery Tan, “Cultivate some ‘2am friends’, it’s better than having an army of followers”, The Straits Times, September 21, 2024, B3