“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 NLT)
If you encounter a crisis at three o’clock in the morning, who, apart from your immediate family members, would you call? If you have questions about life and ministry, who would you talk to? Do you have a trusted friend who can speak into your life, challenge your thinking, and call out the best in you? Who do you share your musings or simply chill over coffee with?
In the world of Facebook and LinkedIn, we have many friends on our social media but few good friends to share life’s journey with. Those of us in ministry face a similar situation of ministering to many but having few close friends.
Human beings are social by nature and have a fundamental need to interact with fellow humans for our existence and development. Our identity and sense of belonging are heightened when we are connected to kindred friends who understand and accept us for who we are, not what we do or our job titles.
One of the most often asked questions of me is what has kept me going as a leader all these years. My answer is having a group of friends with whom I can journey and share mutual support and encouragement. My friends help me in the following ways:
Lifting My Spirit. Just as Jonathan strengthened David at Horesh (1 Samuel 23:16), I am grateful to my friends for being there for me when I am down. They seek to understand my circumstance, listen without judgement, and ask clarifying questions as I pour out my angst. Such friends take the risk to speak truth to me and challenge my perspectives. Being able to share one’s troubles and life’s conundrums with trusted friends in a safe space is uplifting and strengthens the inner spirit.
Inspiring My Faith. When I am overwhelmed with problems and lose sight of perspectives, the frank and spiritual conversations help me discern the movements of God in my life. Their admonitions and truth spoken with grace help reset my inner compass and call me to stay faithful. At other times, I have leaned on my friends’ faith and passion for Christ to rejuvenate and expand my vision for the kingdom. The way my friends live out their calling and their view of God inspires me and challenges my paradigm of thinking.
Strengthening My Conviction. As we share our lives, I learn from my friends how to strengthen my conviction about God and how to grow as a disciple of Christ. I am time and time again led to repent of my weak spiritual discipline and shallow conviction as I witness their demonstrations of discipline and faith. These kindred friends are also happy to hold me accountable when needed. I believe the Holy Spirit uses our friends to journey with us and nudge us along in our walk with God.
Restoring My Emotions. Friends provide a safe space for authenticity and vulnerability. As I share my struggles and confused thoughts, they help to reframe my issues and at times point out the faultlines in my thinking. Knowing that I am not alone in my experiences helps mitigate feelings of loneliness and isolation. As I listen to their stories, I realise we are all human, buffeted by the currents of life’s trials and pain. And we need one another for support.
Our lives are richer when we share them with others and learn from their experiences. We struggle alone when we are afraid to share our inner fears and problems. However, when we take the courage to share, our joys are doubled, sorrows are halved, and wounds are soothed. Lies we believe in are exposed. We discover we are not alone in our struggles. Ultimately, we experience great delight in having fellow pilgrims walk with and support us in our journey.
In every season of our lives, we need friends with whom we can grow and mature. We need friends who can be honest with us, fight for our hearts, and hold us accountable for our Christian faith and conduct. As we journey with one another, we connect at a deeper level and discover that good friends are life-giving and satisfy our longings as human beings.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)
Friends are God’s gifts to us, just as we are to them. Let us invest in our friendships today and treasure the friends whom God has blessed us with. Do not let excuses—busyness, chemistry, our personalities—hinder us! Take the initiative to invite a friend for coffee or a meal, and let the conversation be about life and the musings of the heart.
Lam Kok Hiang serves as Leadership Mentor for Cru Singapore. He enjoys running, cycling through park connectors on his foldable bike, and conversations over a cup of coffee to muse about life and God.