When I was asked to write something for suicide prevention month, I was struggling with the myriad of topics I could expound on. Humans are complex, made in the image of God as we are. If we do a search for suicide prevention, most topics would focus on emergency practices and how to talk or support someone through suicidal ideation.
But perhaps one thing we can consider as the body of Christ is to create an environment that is helpful for suicide prevention way before the emergency or crisis has to occur. And perhaps the one thing to hold out before others is to aim for a sense of hope.
Give hope, not another standard to conform to
I remember a fellow believer once asking, "How do we encourage those with mental health struggles to smile?" On the surface, that seems like a good thing — we are called by Paul to rejoice always.
The problem, though, is when one has lost all hope due to life's circumstances. The Psalms, Ecclesiastes, Job, and even the example of Elijah remind us that clinging to God doesn't always look like smiles and laughter. Instead, in the worst of times, we turn to Him in the hope of finding the relief we need.
In those times, perhaps rejoicing in the Lord might even be a step too far for some. Maybe all they can do is tearfully raise their arms to Him in a silent plea because they refuse to give up hope in Him even when all seems lost.
Thus, when others come to us in their struggles, we need to refrain from insisting that they express joy, whether through smiles or otherwise. Instead, despite the darkness, we can continue to gently point to our Lord and help our brethren to seek Him, the giver of all Hope. Sometimes, it might not even be appropriate to do so without first standing with our brethren in their darkness, letting them know that they don't have to perform for our sake. We accept them in their pain.
Avoid listening to judge
On the heels of a massive success against the prophets of Baal (1 Kings 19), Elijah felt so threatened by Jezebel that he ran into the wilderness seeking to die. An angel provided for Elijah, and he would travel further to God's mountain to seek Him. When God gave him the opportunity to speak, Elijah would only consistently and insistently repeat the same complaints.
Yet God did not reprimand or scold Elijah. God not only provided sustenance when Elijah needed it, He provided a ramp out of Elijah's loneliness and despair, appointing a successor for him and giving him guidance.
How often do we listen to the struggles of our brethren while already coming to a conclusion and thinking of a way for them to solve things? How often do we listen only to judge how others have fallen short? If God would not do that to a prophet of His own, who should have known way better of His power, why do we?
Talking about what psychological safety looks like sounds secular. But perhaps it really is simple enough — let us bear each other’s burdens without adding to them by judging them when what they need is a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.
Safe and gentle support can help others out of their darkness more than any judgement ever can.
Celebrate the struggles of humanity
When you search through Christian publications for an idea of success, a common example is that of someone who, despite all odds, came to God and is now on the other side, thriving.
But much as we think this is a hope held out for others, for many who are struggling with issues that can lead to suicidal ideation, part of the problem is seeing others "succeed". "What is wrong with me?" "Why can't I be more like that person?" "Am I not trying hard enough?"
Success can come in many forms. Instead of only trumpeting the stories of those who thrive in a traditional sense, can we celebrate the workers in our church who turn up week after week, humble and yet giving of themselves in ways unseen? Can we celebrate the poor in spirit, the mourners who still show up for others, the meek, and the ones who hunger and thirst for righteousness? Can we showcase less of the financially secure, and instead celebrate the pure in heart, and the peacemakers?
In doing so, can we, too, celebrate our brethren who live in the shadows of darkness, but still choose to live on, day by day?
Suicide prevention from root cause can start by changing the way our spaces in church operate, and the things we celebrate and put forth as praiseworthy. By normalising hope in the darkness instead of creating yet heavier standards and burdens, may the church be a light in suicide prevention for the world.
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Mak used to talk to computers and people until depression knocked the door down in 2017. Now he just talks to people about what it means to live with depression through the medium of comics on his blog and in his book Depressed Dave, in the hopes that more people will hurt less. He lives with his wife, two boys and two guinea-pig daughters in a flat in sunny Singapore.