I had bought some of the books 40 years ago. Most of them I had not read for about 20 years. They were stored in our office. But the time had come to move to another relatively smaller office. Much of our stuff had to be discarded. That included many of my “stored books”. Going through the books meant I was reacquainted with what I had and why I had bought them to begin with. It reminded me of a time in my life when I had pretensions of being a New Testament scholar.
I majored in the New Testament for my ThM, a post-MDiv master degree. I focused on the leadership qualifications of the Pastoral epistles. That was an exciting time as I tracked down all the relevant literature on the subject. The Pastorals were a particularly difficult part of the New Testament to work on because there were many scholars who believed they weren’t written by Paul but by some of Paul’s disciples writing in his name. I appreciated the clear guidance of my mentor, Ward Gasque, and was very helped by the research of Gordon Fee. They are both with the Lord now.
I received a decent grade for my ThM thesis. I also enjoyed my ThM research. So I began to toy with the idea of becoming a New Testament scholar and teacher. I began to research what it would mean to do doctoral work in America and in Britain. But one of my mentors, himself a New Testament scholar, said that my doing doctoral work “would be a stretch”. I was disappointed but in the long run realised he was right.
I went on to do pastoral work. It has been a long journey and here I am, 70 this year. I have long realised that I didn’t have the eye for detail, the patience, and the flair for languages needed for work at a doctoral level. What I am, with God’s help, is to be an encourager. I seek to encourage folks with as much biblical wisdom I have, through my preaching, teaching, writing, mentoring, and meaningful conversations. I have been clear for some time now as to my primary calling. And that I am no scholar.
I do appreciate the work of scholars. I read their works and try to follow their ideas so that I can glean their insights for my work. But I am at peace with who I am. Instead of complaining about why the master didn’t entrust me with five talents, I have sought to be a good steward of the two talents he did entrust to me.
I thank God that I am in reasonably good health. I am also clear that I no longer have all the time in the world nor all the energy I had before. Nor the space to keep all the books I have. Joseph Campbell is credited with this quote:
“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
Well, if the Lord is the author of our lives, it means embarking on a journey where we are clearer as to who we are and who we are not, what we are called to do, and what we are not called to do. I suspect there are no shortcuts for this journey, though sometimes things happen that help us to fast track our understanding a little.
It was difficult to get rid of some of those books that came from another life. But they had served their purpose. They had helped me in that chapter of my life. But I am no longer at that chapter. And besides, New Testament scholarship has advanced so much these 40 years, with much of that available online. There is a time for goodbyes.
