On the evening of 3 April 2023, I had a great time with a pastor and his camp planning committee. They are a great bunch of people and I rejoiced in making some new friends. Apparently, this was the first time they had met up with a camp speaker to connect before a camp. I thought it was a great idea. Ministry should be built on friendship. The theme of their camp will be Intergenerational Discipling: How the different generations in the church can help each other grow in Christ.
 
Earlier in the day I had also met up with three key leaders from a major church. I knew two of them. The third became a new friend. Among the things we discussed was how we could help the members of this big church experience koinonia, our shared life in Christ. I suggested that, among other things, we need to provide platforms where people can connect: social groups where people can share meals; small groups; and intimate groups of three to four where people can experience more in-depth friendship.
 
This morning, as I reflected on these two meetings, I found new language for what I am called to do in this chapter of my life. I am called to help Christians become friends. To do this, I need to focus on three things — theology, strategy, and implementation.
 
First, theology. Followers of Jesus must know the biblical imperative of friendship between Christians. In John 15, part of the farewell discourse, Jesus calls His disciples friends. Then He defines friendship for them — the willingness to lay down your lives for your friends. Then He says they are to love each other as He loved them. Followers of Jesus are meant to love each other with sacrificial love, in imitation of Jesus’ love for us. As followers of Jesus, we are brothers and sisters, children of the same heavenly Father. “Brothers and sisters” defines who we are. But sacrificial friendship shows us how we are to relate to each other.
 
Christians may know that they are supposed to be friends of each other, but they need to know where they can actually live this out. As mentioned before, there are at least three places where we can walk together as friends. Social groups are centred on shared meals. Christians gather regularly to partake in a meal and encourage each other. Small groups such as cell groups are smaller intentional groups of around 8–15 people who are committed to meeting regularly to help each other follow Christ. Then there are intimate groups of 3 or 4 spiritual friends who covenant to walk together. It must be said that in proposing that followers of Jesus meet up in these three configurations, we are merely following Jesus’ example. He often shared meals with people He wanted to connect with, but He focused His attention on His small group, the 12, and He gave special attention to Peter, James, and John. These three types of groups then form a basic strategy for the practice of friendship in Christ. And, of course, there will be the many unstructured organic friendships that arise naturally between brothers and sisters.
 
If a commitment to friendship in Christ is to be a key part of the life of a church, there must be firm oversight of its implementation. A leader must serve as the friendship champion of the community that is embarking on a serious journey of friendship. Otherwise, the friendship initiative may soon be relegated to another programme in the church and not serve as the relational foundation of the church. A journey to take friendship seriously must include clear theology, workable strategy, and continuing oversight of its implementation.
 
Christians are often friendly, but they are not always true friends who journey together with real knowledge and empathy for each other. We need to help Christians become friends. How? By writing, teaching, training, and mentoring. And by modelling. Friendship is not a programme. It is a commitment to walk relationally with people. This Saturday I will be teaching the first of three sessions for a church on the topic of spiritual friendship. I am looking forward to making some new friends.