What would you do if God chose to take away one of your children? Most of us hope never to face such a question. For a long time, I never imagined I would have to answer it myself. Yet, through unexpected sorrow, I discovered profound truths about God’s sovereignty and goodness.
In January 2022, our church began a sermon series on Ecclesiastes. A month later, my husband Vernon preached his sermon on Ecclesiastes 7:13–29, a passage that wrestles with the mystery of God’s providence:
“Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” (Ecclesiastes 7:13–14 ESV)
In his sermon, Vernon shared the story of Reverend Thomas Boston, a Scottish minister who endured the loss of seven out of his ten children. Boston wrote in his published sermon, “The Crook in the Lot”:
“There is a certain train or course of events, by the providence of God, falling to every one of us during our life in this world: and that is our lot, as being allotted to us by the sovereign God. We all have our own lot in life. Furthermore, we all have things in life that we wish we could change.”
His reflections echoed the wisdom of Ecclesiastes: there will be times in our lives that are a part of God’s active work in this world that will grate us, pain us—and in those times, all the wisdom in the world will not make things right. Boston believed that both joys and sorrows are given by the sovereign hand of God. Even the “crook”—the painful, crooked part of our lot—comes from Him.
Philip Ryken, an American Presbyterian minister who wrote his doctoral thesis on Boston, wrote:
“After suffering such a heavy loss, many people would be tempted to accuse God of wrongdoing, or to abandon their faith, or at least to drop out of ministry for a while. But that is not what Thomas Boston did. He believed in the goodness as well as in the sovereignty of God. So rather than turning away from the Lord in times of trial, he turned towards the Lord for help and comfort.” [1]
As Vernon preached, he asked, “What would I do if Ruth and I had to go through such an incredible loss?” Hearing those words, I froze. The thought was horrifying, and I told him afterwards, “You know now that you’ve preached it, the Lord might lead us through something like that …”
Little did I know that, at that very time, we were expecting our next child. Two months later, on 25 April 2022, we discovered that our third child—our son, only twelve weeks in utero—was not going to survive. Suddenly, the reality of God ordaining the crook in my lot came crashing down on me. God had chosen to give us this child with a life-limiting condition that could not be cured. God had also ordained that Vernon would be the one to preach Ecclesiastes 7, preparing my heart in a way I could not have foreseen.
In those dark moments, I faced a series of questions:
- Would I turn bitter and angry?
- Would I drop out of ministry?
- Would I accuse God of wrongdoing?
- Would I walk away from God?
Or …
- Would I turn towards Him for help and comfort?
- Would I see the crook in my lot as something God had chosen to give me—a reason to have a healthy frustration with this broken world?
- Would I turn to God and see His goodness, even as I faced the crookedness of life?
- Would I believe in both the goodness and the sovereignty of the Lord?
God, in His kindness, gave me just enough strength to take small steps towards the right response. He taught me to lament, to cry out, to grieve—and to keep turning towards Him. Through the pain, I learnt to worship Him, not just in joy but in sorrow.
The words of Ecclesiastes 7:13–14 and Isaiah 46:9–10 became anchors for my soul:
… You are God, and there is no other; You are God, and there is none like You, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purposes …’” (Isaiah 46:9–10, adapted)
We all have, or will have, a crook in our lot at some point—or perhaps several points—in our lives. How will we choose to respond? How can we help one another build up our certainty in the sovereignty and goodness of God, even through the brokenness of this world?
______
Ruth Quek is an ordinary person, seeking to follow Jesus, love His church, and be shaped by His Word in a world full of distractions and troubles—all while waiting for Jesus to come again. She is married to Vernon Quek and is mother to Alyssa, Thaddeus, Ebenezzer, and, God willing, another baby boy in January 2026. Some of her reflections can be found on Instagram @learningwithzed, and Zeddie’s story can be found at https://ebenezzerquek.my.canva.site.
______
[1] Philip Ryken, “The Crook in the Lot: Part I,” reformation21, https://reformation21.org/the-crook-in-the-lot-part-i-php/.